Rajeev Masand

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All body, no soul

 
 

Jism 2

Rating: 1

August 03, 2012

Cast: Randeep Hooda, Arunoday Singh, Sunny Leone, Arif Zakaria

Director: Pooja Bhatt

It takes a special kind of skill to make a film as harebrained as Jism 2. To say that its script is ridden with plot holes is an understatement; the plot itself is like a big, black hole there is no coming out of.

Adult film actress Sunny Leone makes her ‘legit’ movie debut starring as porn actress Izna, although it’s hard to say why she’s meant to be a porn actress, given that this teeny-weeny detail doesn’t further the plot in any way whatsoever. Or perhaps director Pooja Bhatt doesn’t recognize the difference between a porn actress and a prostitute, because within the first five minutes of the film, Izna has picked up a man at a bar, taken him to a room upstairs and has had sex with him.

Anyway, Izna is offered ten crore rupees by Intelligence officer Ayan (Arunoday Singh) and his boss Guru (Arif Zakaria wearing a wig so big, it threatens to swallow his face) to seduce her ex-boyfriend Kabir (Randeep Hooda), a former cop-turned-eccentric terrorist who has the blood of dozens of innocent people on his hands. The secret agents want Izna to gain Kabir’s trust again and steal files containing details of his misdeeds that they tell her he’s saved on his laptop. When Izna refuses to go along with their plan, insisting that she’s still scarred from being dumped by Kabir six years ago, Ayan tells her she ought to do this for the sake of her country. “Apni mulk ki madat toh main already kar rahi hoon kapde utaar ke,” she tells him straight-faced. “Lekin har jism ki expiry date hoti hai,” he replies, in what has to be the most unintentionally comical exchange of words.

When they’re finally able to convince her to join their mission, Izna and Ayan must pretend to be an engaged couple and move into a villa in a French colony in Sri Lanka, literally across from the villa where Kabir has been hiding out.

At this point I can think of at least two questions begging to be asked: If the Intelligence Department knows exactly where he’s staying, and they’re so confident they know where he hides his secret files, couldn’t they just swoop down on him themselves instead of recruiting a porn actress to do the job? And secondly, does every terrorist/assassin in a Hindi movie maintain a file with evidence of his own crimes that can implicate him instantly? Seems kind of dumb, doesn’t it?

Well moving on, when Kabir sees Izna again, it doesn’t take long before something inside him starts to stir…no, not his heart, presumably a body part lower down, because he’s remained completely celibate all these years – “no girlfriends, not even prostitutes”, a psychiatrist who treated him has revealed to the Intelligence officers hot on his trail. So even as Kabir falls hard for her, Ayan has developed feelings for Izna himself.

Widely advertised as an erotic thriller, Jism 2 has some clumsy lovemaking scenes, but none of the sizzling chemistry likely to satisfy anyone seeking more than just cheap titillation. Neither does it have that edge-of-the-seat-tension you expect in a juicy suspense story. To give you an example, this is the kind of film in which everyone from undercover agents and deadly assassins, and really anyone with a secret to hide, leaves their mobile phones lying around carelessly at the most crucial times.

The film’s chief conceit – you’re meant to be guessing until the end whose side Izna is actually on – is betrayed by Sunny Leone’s wooden acting, and her overuse of the ‘heaving bosom’ approach in response to every situation in the film, be it joyous, distressing, or romantic. Predictably, she’s uninhibited in the sex scenes, but can’t muster up any real feeling. The usually dependable Randeep Hooda, meanwhile, goes a little overboard with all the feeling; he hams it up as the nut-job assassin who regards his crimes as the purging of a corrupt society. Alternating clunkily between melancholic and hyper, Hooda constructs a wildly implausible character that inspires most of the unintended laughs in this film.

Unlike the earlier Jism that Pooja Bhatt produced but didn’t direct, this sequel has little of consequence to say about relationships based on lust. The previous film was a well-acted, adult thriller that had rare sexual frankness. In comparison, Jism 2 feels hollow and exploitative…a film in search of a story. Despite some terrific music and Pooja Bhatt’s neat production design, it’s let down by laughable dialogue and a pace slower than my 90-year-old grandmother on a race track.

I’m going with one out of five for Jism 2. For all its pretentious babble on love and pain, it’s a film that leaves your own jism in much pain as you finally get out of your seat.

(This review first aired on CNN-IBN)

31 Responses to “All body, no soul”

  1. dani khan says:

    only one…?.

    Not fair..

    Should be two for randeep..!

  2. Sudeep Nair says:

    Ha ha. Very funny review. Bollywood always dont know what erotic thrillers are. They always strip in the wrong times.

  3. anony says:

    Is it worth reviewing at all???????

  4. Rashmi says:

    I completely agree with You! I aspire to become Critic one day like u. I wud definately give 0.5 star out of 5! Its that pathetic! I didnt know what to do, whether to laugh at the acting and dialog of the film or feel pitty for Sunny and Pooja. Pooja Bhatt has used Sunny too much! No other bollywood actress wud do such cheap scenes! It shud be named as ” Sunny ka Jism” not Jism2

  5. nihin says:

    “To say that its script is ridden with plot holes is an understatement; the plot itself is like a big, black hole there is no coming out of..:”

    I haven’t read a funnier review than this..ever.

    Thanks for such great review !!

  6. Abhijeet says:

    songs are awsm but the movie is TOTALLY BAKWAAS . . Does not xpct dis from bhatt saab

  7. sahil says:

    Why 1 star sir..why so generous?? It was one of the most pathetic movies ive ever watched !

  8. gaurav-manila says:

    rajeev is such a little devil…(: the orginal jism was a beautiful film,a sensual yet engaging they should have left the jism tag out of this one but 2 stars since the cinematography visuals and soundrack flowed well…
    lol..its a film that leaves..my own jism in pain,,,,,,,nice slap in the face,,,,,

  9. soumik says:

    yep. story is weak.. so is the acting .. except hooda.. who is a bit better. my rating 2/5 🙁

  10. Tanveer says:

    Haha, In splits after reading the review.. “‘heaving bosom’ approach”..lol

  11. Shah says:

    Incomplete review! Not a single word on that Mr. Bean-on-steroids guy…. Arunoday Singh?

  12. RubbishFilm, ExcellentReview says:

    So this film doesn’t even make it into the “so bad its actually good” category. LOL! But thanks Mr Masand for giving us an entertaining review, nonetheless!

  13. bk aditya says:

    the most bullshit movie i have ever seen..in present day bollywood, machoism is selling mch more than sex..so this kind of films are a total waste..if it had gr8 moments like DIRTY PICTURe, it still coud have been a good film..but this film is so lack lustre..its better for sunny to go back to her porn video making business..but i guess, the bollywood producers body lower part stirs more than randeep hooda..so sunny may get another chance..LOL!!

  14. Kinshuk says:

    I love your Honest Reviews…. Keep it up Sir… Hats off…. so true they prefer filthy body then Story…

  15. Dhanu Suvarna says:

    I’m getting cold feet now….tickets are booked for the evening show. Thankfully I was going to only check out the hot bods and knew I cldn’t expect anything more than that. So it will not be too disappointing.

    Thanks for the review…Will post my views later

  16. Abhishek says:

    @Masand: Awesome, witty and genuine review !
    @Shah: You are bang on target in figuring out Arounoday, though he was somewhat ok in Yeh Saali Zindagi ..

    Shah says: Not a single word on that Mr. Bean-on-steroids guy…. Arunoday Singh?

  17. Ippi says:

    My words exactly imagine our plight in Dubai where all the revealing scenes were cut… Couldnt make head or tail of what was happening.. Felt the poor girl was being abused…everybody just kept grabbing here for no rhyme or reason… Its a real comedy film!

  18. Nagarjun says:

    Jism2 is aptly titled because its about 2 people bearing their bodies and nothing else………..It was one of the most unimpressive erotica in the recent past and to top it all Pooja Bhat claims that her favorite adult movies were Last Tango In Paris and 9 1/2 Weeks…….if only she would have had the patience to understand those films we wouldn’t have watched such a shallow movie

  19. Swapnil says:

    Ha ha……Terrific Review……..super-entertaining……Njoyed reading a lot………..

  20. Kaif says:

    Masand is the only honest critic in the whole of India.

  21. Kapil Kashyap says:

    Mr. bean on Steroids..Lolzzz

    aside Gr8 review sir…it surely didn’t deserved a review by you
    What i feel is that the movie,the story the actors were all gimmicks a cocoon wrapped around the main idea of pooja bhatt, the idea to mint money by selling just 1 thought

    “COME INDIANS WATCH SUNNY the PORN ACTRESS”

  22. suresh says:

    bhatts are hereby banned to produce oblique direct any movie whatsoever in the future. They have been consistentently churning out huge piles of garbage since time immemorial. its not california pooja.

  23. trulyyours says:

    i liked Arunoday Singh’s hairstyle. he looked like a male lizard.. 😀 i felt pity for sunny for how calously she has been exploited..both thumbs up for hooda…a standing ovation for songs…a tearful adieu to the story nd the direction…may god give strength to screens to bear the torture..

  24. kshitij says:

    my rating 0/5
    total bakwass movie hai..
    Flop film
    waste of money&time..

  25. amisha says:

    i couldn’t have said everything u just wrote better, ur so right, she is calling a pornstar and simply nothing in the movies reffer to it…it quite funny so any other actress could have done this job what was the need of bringing sunny in ?
    I also didn’t like most of the songs, acting was really poor, only mister singh was quite hott

  26. mudassir says:

    Dear Rajeev,

    Thank you for your review and being so generous for give this movie atleast a single star which indeed it doesnt deserve. Also they made a big mistake in releasing this movie in the sacred month of Ramadan, which a month of keeping our soul and body away of such things.

  27. boom says:

    Hi Rajeev,
    i loved it when you were interviewing Hooda and cheekily asked him whether he got excited while filming the movie and he denied saying he was too occupied with his acting and blah blah and you commented ‘have we become such good actors?’ lol way to go bro..you are the man..i’m sure Hooda came to his shoot after ‘relieving himself’ couple o times so he can concentrate on something which he is not good at..keep up ur good work..you were born to be a critic so don’t let jerks misguide you..you are doing an excellent job.

  28. Shubham says:

    Could not agree more!! Hooda was the only person for whom I could at-least sit inside the theater… dialogue were real killer, I think I would’ve written better ones if provoked 😛 😛 ….

    IN nut shell this was the first movie of my life …where I really wanted to just walk out of the amphitheater 😛 😛

  29. satya says:

    Gr8 review sir…it surely didn’t deserved a review by you

    If ever u get a chance to meet Pooja bhatt plz plz ask her on my behalf ..why this movie is made for,,,any way Njoyed reading a lot…

  30. Sujit Tiwari says:

    Hi Rajeev , I do agree with your opinion . Randeep Hooda is the only saving grace in this 132 minutes of boredom !!!

  31. Rahul says:

    best comedy movie ever…

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